This whole bible study I’m doing right now focuses primarily on toxic thoughts.  There are four common categories of toxic thoughts. These are negative, fearful, discontented, and critical. It tells me that chances are you are struggling with toxic thoughts in one or more of these four ways. Don’t let these toxic thoughts grab hold of you and consume you. The deeper you let them take root inside you, the harder they will be to shake off. Identify those thoughts and reject them today.

Ya, easier said than done…so I have a lot to work on internally.

And then there are cultural toxins (Toxin just meaning a bad thing) Cultural toxins are things like TV, movies, magazines, books…whatever; just media.  A realization hit me today, that my cultural toxin was actually an environment, was my work environment.  No, not because of all the residents, not because of the stresses of the job, just my coworkers.  Some of my nurse friends have reminded me that we’re “not here for the coworkers, we’re here for the residents.”  Point understood, its just infuriating that your main coworker has no respect whatsoever for rules, our personal lunch times (going away for OVER one hour [No Melanie, not with you, with Shah]). when activities are going on, he’s right there, but I feel like I’m the only one doing anything productive.  Like the attendance, looking for new programs on the www, and trying to organize.  But if you ask anyone of my coworkers, I’m sure that they would say the same thing about themselves.  Working at the nursing home is a high pressure job, and I quit because its about driving me crazy.  And no, I cannot just retreat into my [non-existent] office and not deal with the resident who has the problem, the CNAs and the family members who keep coming to me (because I have worked here for NINE years).  I should have listened to my Dad’s advice, “So quit,” when I was doing 15 hours of in services at home and complaining how I was not getting paid for it.
I did finally quit my job so why am I still thinking about it? to preserve my sanity.  I like to look at myself as my car accident and severe TBI as not having too much of an effect on me, but I’m just not sure when it comes to my stress level.  But does this traumatic brain injury make me paranoid? Or just insecure and cause me to over- analyze?  If you have any opinions, please comment- I’m really puzzled.

My mom would tell me that I’m fine, the stress of feeling that you’re pulling the other coworkers’ weight would be enough to overcome a lot of people.  But what if everyone thinks that who works in that nursing home?  What if I think that I care so much more about those residents than anyone else, and the coworkers actually care just as much?  What if I put in so much effort outside of work and constantly think of how to make life better for the residents?  Just because I don’t want to goof off with my BFF upstairs and actually care about second floor and all of the residents doesn’t mean that I’m thinking that I do a better job than any other coworker- it just drives me crazy.

But okay- I QUIT; (or resigned) SO COULD I PLEASE MOVE ON?  Be over with this craziness of getting my emotions too involved with everything.  take a deep breath, just stop.  Which toxin is the best to get rid? The work situation toxin.

I suppose there are a few other cultural toxins in my life, but it’s not like I’d just give up True Blood.