I awoke with a jolt.
There was a was a fearful gasp in my throat. Not cool, I thought when I was conscious enough to recognize it as my own. In my dream, I recognized the very end of summer before the accident and felt reminiscent of the empty pool and high school football games. I saw the boys congregating together in the hallways while I would pass the older girls looking with judgement as I walk by.
My past is in my past. And that is where it should stay. I’m going to stop writing this dumb story of my sad life, even though it has a kick-ass ending.
Stop writing about the stupid people, that this insecure little 17 year old couldn’t stand up to or with, start writing about MY story of MY perseverance and achievements. At least that’s the plan for now, wish me luck!
I came across this quote today that really resonates with me, it seems as if I’m always searching. Searching for supreme happiness, or always waiting for the next shoe to drop.
I won’t let myself fully embrace the happiness and wonderfulness that is currently present, that is there and allow myself to enjoy it because I know how fleeting it all can be, how easily everything can stop on a dime and suddenly turn the other way. Fleeting…think about it, everything is easily fading. Anyone can be forgotten and fade into the background, just like wallpaper. If you stay still long enough, most people just forget. Either forget or you turn into a fond memory and are like, ‘what about that guy?…’ what is true in life? Will there ever be anyone left standing and waiting after a terrible car accident takes the cheerleader right out of her sneakers only leaving behind nothing more than a megaphone? Which are actually only memories of a time long ago, a time before everyone got too busy developing adult lives to realize that you’ve been left behind.
But being left behind isn’t so bad. Sometimes when you are “left behind” you actually get a chance to move forward and turn your life into something much better than you’ve every imagined it to be.
Today is a free day. No plans, perfect to get working, right?
Ya, except this is one thing that would never naturally occur to me. Instead, I have to have inspiration in the form of a friend to come over and tell me to get to it. My main job right now is finishing my memoir, but I’d rather procrastinate by working on journals, crocheting, or anything else.
I AM THANKFUL FOR MY FRIEND who came over to relax and knit, then left for work telling me to get my head where it should be, IN A BOOK. my book specifically,
leaving me listening to Shania Twain’s new CD, NOW
and with a bit cup of coffee [and more in the pot]
I AM THANKFUL FOR A HUSBAND TO SET ME STRAIGHT. And tell me to ice my hip when I’m complaining it hurts from walking around too much.
GET TO IT- STOP COMPLAINING- and get to work!
NO EXCUSES… get that nose to the grindstone!
…I maybe wasn’t even supposed to write a blog post…maybe
Yes, I still make them.
We can make a mistake, realize it, and learn from it.
Or we can pout.
Maybe a little of both, but we always learn from our bad judgement calls.
One that I just experienced last night; I have always tried to be a good wife. Lately I have tried to be a very exceptional wife, being that now I work from home, writing and taking care of our little doggie. When I had a PT appointment yesterday afternoon, my husband assumed that I would be going to dinner with my Mom, while I assumed I needed to be back at home making dinner because hey, my husband has to eat also, and since I am trying to be such a good wife- I should cook, right? Oops- that apparently wasn’t the plan. Matt went out for pizza with his coworkers to watch the Nats game, and came home at like 730.
At least there’s a lesson that can be learned from it…
…..wait, what was the lesson?
Maybe I should be focusing on myself rather than trying so hard to be considerate.
At least Matt was considerate enough to bring home some pizza.
Just let that sink in.
20 years since my life has changed so drastically.
20 years, but does it even feel like 20 years ago?
It does feel different. Different from what; it seems like this is just something that happened to me. Something that happened long ago. Like I grew into it. or grew from it, since I technically am older now than I was when I first got into that car accident.
It feels different, but I am still me. The car accident that left me with a TBI is just something that happened to me. Move on, right?
Struggling through high school…hey I made it though, right? only 1 year late
Going to LONGWOOD college, only 3 years post accident, 3 hours away from everyone I knew- my support system- living on my OWN (which was a big deal for me, concentrating so hard on rehabilitation)
I graduated! With a degree in Therapeutic Recreation, my hospital stay and rehab turned out to be a good thing, in the sense that it gave me a purpose
Working at Fairfax Nursing Center for 9 years 2005-14
meeting a great man, Matt Karst 12/06, and married 09/20/08
Buying a townhouse in Burke Center in 2012
writing since 2014
Involved at Messiah United Methodist Church; organizing the Prayer Shawl Ministry, various Bible studies, Vacation Bible school, helping with a weeekly middle school/high school Girls’ group, co-leading a Sunday school class
Longwood Alumni blogger
babysitter & caregiver
Fairfax Inova Trauma Support Network volunteer
Creating traumatic brain injury awareness
I am here for a purpose. A purpose to bring awareness to the silent epidemic of a hidden illness. Hidden to the unknowing eye, but we still feel the effects. Everyday, we know that there is something different than before, or something that people without a brain injury don’t experience the symptoms. The symptoms do not always need to be a physical injury or something that you can see, but the symptoms are still lasting. My physical disabilities have gotten much better, though my balance is not perfect, nor is my voice, fine motor control, anxiety and levels of exhaustion.
Remember how far you have come
“Brain injury is unpredictable in its consequences. Brain injury affects who we are, the way we think, act, and feel. It can change everything about us in a matter of seconds. The most important things to remember:
• A person with a brain injury is a person first
• No two brain injuries are exactly the same
• The effects of a brain injury are complex and vary greatly from person to person
• The effects of a brain injury depend on such factors as cause, location, and severity”
The Brain Injury Association of America website