Bad dreams

I awoke with a jolt.

There was a was a fearful gasp in my throat. Not cool, I thought when I was conscious enough to recognize it as my own. In my dream, I recognized the very end of summer before the accident and felt reminiscent of the empty pool and high school football games.  I saw the boys congregating together in the hallways while I would pass the older girls looking with judgement  as I walk by.

whatuwant

My past is in my past. And that is where it should stay. I’m going to stop writing this dumb story of my sad life, even though it has a kick-ass ending.

Stop writing about the stupid people, that this insecure little 17 year old couldn’t stand up to or with, start writing about MY story of MY perseverance and achievements.  At least that’s the plan for now, wish me luck!

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Wish for you

wish

Sometimes we all need a feel good boost of energy to get us out of that slump. 
A person could be in great spirits, and have all these coping skills to get ready and rolling, and just need the inspiration.

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Awesome day!

 

Trevor the Otter

Make today so awesome yesterday gets jealous – Unknown

Peace out 
Trevor the Otter

This is the smartest otter I have ever known!  Yes, always be optimistic and forever looking to a bright future!  Just like a random 80s band…

 

 

 

 

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Walk through it

I came across this quote today that really resonates with me, it seems as if I’m always searching.  Searching for supreme happiness, or always waiting for the next shoe to drop.

I won’t let myself fully embrace the happiness and wonderfulness that is currently present, that is there and allow myself to enjoy it because I know how fleeting it all can be, how easily everything can stop on a dime and suddenly turn the other way.  Fleeting…think about it, everything is easily fading.  Anyone can be forgotten and fade into the background, just like wallpaper.  If you stay still long enough, most people just forget.  Either forget or you turn into a fond memory and are like, ‘what about that guy?…’  what is true in life? Will there ever be anyone left standing and waiting after a terrible car accident takes the cheerleader right out of her sneakers only leaving behind nothing more than a megaphone?  Which are actually only memories of a time long ago, a time before everyone got too busy developing adult lives to realize that you’ve been left behind.

But being left behind isn’t so bad.  Sometimes when you are “left behind” you actually get a chance to move forward and turn your life into something much better than you’ve every imagined it to be.

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I am not

iamnot

 

I am allowed to have an ‘off‘ day every once in a while.  That doesn’t mean that I AM an off person, that means I’m just human.

What?  What happened?  What day is this?  Is it Tuesday- oh, I only say this at 9:30 at night, after I’ve had my bowl of strawberries as dessert and I glance over at my weekly pillbox with the big T full of pills forgotten to take earlier this morning.

weeklypill
And my day never quite got started.
That would explain my listlessness and bewildered looks standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to decide what to do.

Even 20 years since the car accident resulting in a traumatic brain injury I still forget things from time to time.  Just like everyone else, people who even don’t have a brain injury forget things occasionally.
The difference is that I’m so hard on myself, telling myself that this shouldn’t happen, I shouldn’t have forgotten this- what did I just do?  I wasted my whole day!  It was rainy, yucky rainy all day, I left the house to vote that morning, which I guess threw me off.  I read a little on Tuesday, I guess that was productive- but it feels like a wasted day just because I’m not planning on reading that book, I have so much else to do.  What do I have to do? well, we are studying 2 different books in 2 of the other groups in which I devote my time. 

I should have been reading one of those.  But would’ve could’ve, should’ve, Should’ve ain’t never done nothin. 

Don’t be so hard on yourself,  I’m so thankful that I have people in my life who give me self assurance that I need it.  My pastor says that some days we just need to do nothing.

 

 

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Grindstone

Today is a free day.  No plans, perfect to get working, right?

20171102_163134.jpgYa, except this is one thing that would never naturally occur to me.  Instead, I have to have inspiration in the form of a friend to come over and tell me to get to it.  My main job right now is finishing my memoir,  but I’d rather procrastinate by working on journals, crocheting, or anything else.

I AM THANKFUL FOR MY FRIEND who came over to relax and knit, then left for work telling me to get my head where it should be, IN A BOOK. booksheadmy book specifically,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

leaving me listening to Shania Twain’s new CD, NOW shanianow

and with a bit cup of coffee [and more in the pot]  20171102_144915.jpg

 

I AM THANKFUL FOR A HUSBAND TO SET ME STRAIGHT.  And tell me to ice my hip when I’m complaining it hurts from walking around too much.

GET TO IT- STOP COMPLAINING- and get to work!

NO EXCUSES… get that nose to the grindstone!

 

…I maybe wasn’t even supposed to write a blog post…maybe

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why?

While pondering this mystery today in a book class that is being held at my church, Messiah United Methodist, we are studying

halellujahanyway

This book discusses the why topic in different ways that most days sparks a deep theological discussion with our Pastor, who is also in the class.

The mystery of why, our pastor would argue that yes, predestination and free will both have a role in the theatrical performance that is called life.  Why things happen, the inquiry that is never quite solved, or goes unanswered mostly.  Is it our place to know the answer?  Is it beyond our level of comprehending?  Our question of why inherently is asked of God, or some kind of higher being that is believed in, why did all of this happen?  I think that the only way for us as human beings are to handle the question of why is in the acceptance.  OK- so this crappy thing happened to me, now WHAT CAN I DO to improve the circumstances?  That is all of the power that we are allowed- the only actions that we can change are OUR OWN.

[drop the mic]

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Bad Judgement Calls

Yes, I still make them.
Mistakes.

We can make a mistake, realize it, and learn from it.
Or we can pout.

Maybe a little of both, but we always learn from our bad judgement calls.

One that I just experienced last night; I have always tried to be a good wife.  Lately I have tried to be a very exceptional wife, being that now I work from home, writing and taking care of our little doggie.  When I had a PT appointment yesterday afternoon, my husband assumed that I would be going to dinner with my Mom, while I assumed I needed to be back at home making dinner because hey, my husband has to eat also, and since I am trying to be such a good wife- I should cook, right?  Oops- that apparently wasn’t the plan.  Matt went out for pizza with his coworkers to watch the Nats game, and came home at like 730.

nats

#Dinnerfail

At least there’s a lesson that can be learned from it…
…..wait, what was the lesson?

Maybe I should be focusing on myself rather than trying so hard to be considerate.

At least Matt was considerate enough to bring home some pizza.

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Best books you’ll ever read

How do you find a book?
hear about it?
movie previews?
magazine articles trying to entrance you?
in a BOOK CLUB!

Yes! Stack Of Books

So exciting!  I am thrilled that my friend from high school just started this

Miles Apart Book Club

bookmilesaparton Facebook,

She lives in Utah, other friends from high school are into it and we are all reading the book then discussing online!  I know they have book clubs like this on Goodreads; but it’s a little different because the group is all people that we know from growing up together!  It’s almost like a high school reunion place we can visit online to actually talk about smart nowwhatpeople stuff with like topics! and not what we were all caught up in in high school- like makeup, clothes, boys,
My So Called Life,
why other people think this way or that, what the HOT people in magazines are wearing,
Jordan Catalano,  boys, what person sitting next to you is wearing, why they smell like that, the football game,  boys, the list goes on…
But in this club, now its like we’re all grown up and we can forget all the junky stuff from high school.

The author of the book that we’re reading this month, Rachel Dawn is a member of this club, so its fun that we can interact with her too!

This week I just began reading another book for a new book group to meet at my church on Wednesday mornings!

halellujahanyway

This book is called Hallelujah Anyway by Anne Lamott

I am just so excited to spend time and fellowship with people

 who will be meetimessiahumcng in this new book group  at Messiah United Methodist church

 

 

 

 

 

 

and get to share thoughts…

 

 

bookshead

 

 

 

 

 

And maybe I’ll even reach my personal academic goal of reading for this year…

AWESOME– I’ve read 10 already- and its only the beginning of September…the goal is set at 18!

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20 years later

Wow.
Just let that sink in.
20 years.
20 years since my life has changed so drastically.
20 years, but does it even feel like 20 years ago?

It does feel different.  Different from what; it seems like this is just something that happened to me.  Something that happened long ago.  Like I grew into it. or grew from it, since I technically am older now than I was when I first got into that car accident.  

It feels different, but I am still me.  The car accident that left me with a  TBI is just something that happened to me.  Move on, right?

I have.

  • Struggling through high school…hey I made it though, right? only 1 year late

  • Going to LONGWOOD college, only 3 years post accident, 3 hours away from everyone I knew- my support system- living on my OWN (which was a big deal for me, concentrating so hard on rehabilitation)

  • I graduated! With a degree in Therapeutic Recreation, my hospital stay and rehab turned out to be a good thing, in the sense that it gave me a purpose

  • Working at Fairfax Nursing Center for 9 years 2005-14

  • meeting a great man, Matt Karst 12/06, and married 09/20/08

  • Buying a townhouse in Burke Center in 2012

  • writing since 2014

  • Involved at Messiah United Methodist Church; organizing the Prayer Shawl Ministry, various Bible studies, Vacation Bible school, helping with a weeekly middle school/high school Girls’ group, co-leading a Sunday school class

  • Longwood Alumni blogger

  • babysitter & caregiver

  • Fairfax Inova Trauma Support Network volunteer

  • Creating traumatic brain injury awareness 

 

I am here for a purpose.  A purpose to bring awareness to the silent epidemic of a hidden illness.  Hidden to the unknowing eye, but we still feel the effects.  Everyday, we know that there is something different than before, or something that people without a brain injury don’t experience the symptoms.  The symptoms do not always need to be a physical injury or something that you can see, but the symptoms are still lasting.  My physical disabilities have gotten much better, though my balance is not perfect, nor is my voice, fine motor control, anxiety and levels of exhaustion.

Remember how far you have come

karst-danielle-after-tbi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Brain injury is unpredictable in its consequences. Brain injury affects who we are, the way we think, act, and feel. It can change everything about us in a matter of seconds. The most important things to remember:
• A person with a brain injury is a person first
• No two brain injuries are exactly the same
• The effects of a brain injury are complex and vary greatly from person to person
• The effects of a brain injury depend on such factors as cause, location, and severity”
The Brain Injury Association of America website

eh

 

 

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