“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
The New Year came.
With it, a reevaluation of myself. My life, what am I meant to be? A re-evaluation of everything happening around us. What would we like to be different this year as opposed to last?
By pure coincidence, this email devotion came today straight to my inbox, What were you put here on earth to do?
I would look at others, and see all that is going on with the other ladies in my Bible study, what their thoughts and concerns are… many women have multiple children, part time jobs, here I am, doing a big fat nothing significant.
I go out with my friends crocheting at Peet’s coffee and tea, my friends include mothers, with full time hard jobs, and a 25 year old working full time in the Emergency room of a hospital while taking college courses.
I look at myself- and see all the exciting things I am busy doing; I got a new planner
and now one of my highlights is the season premiere of the Bachelor…
I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but it’s very difficult not to in my situation. Good, but never good enough,
Would God say that yes, this is why I put you here on earth, this is why I saved your life. So you could do NOTHING SIGNIFICANT whenever you wake up from naps.
Wait… what am I doing?
I am put here to provide a positive optimistic example, Tell my story to others, and to create awareness of this invisible illness. I motivated myself, I submitted my story in a book that was published in November, and am working on my personal memoir. I have just motivated myself to get involved with Brain Injury services, through the Brain Injury Association of America, and have an appointment to work with a case manager at the end of the month. I’m hoping the case manager will help me to get on the Speaker’s Board, which goes to different locations to create awareness.
“It’s not about getting what you want, but WANTING what YOU’VE GOT“
My husband has repeatedly told me this. I should really listen to him more often.
I’ve got a safe, warm place to lay my head at night, the best husband and a Chazz dog, supportive parents (who enabled me to get a great college education) and extended family. I now have a recovered (but am always will always recovering and improving; only I choose to look at it as a process of learning- figuring out the ways that I can learn and ways that I can accomplish whatever task) able body, able to take care for my family and able to care for other people [a nursing home setting, and childcare], and to advocate for traumatic brain injuries. Being able to do something that is really important, something to make a difference in the big scheme of things. I am able to leave a legacy, just by creating awareness of trials and tribulations of living with a brain injury.
Yes, I am able bodied, able bodied to do many things. There are so many people who take advantage of this fact. So many people who take advantage of the fact that they are able to walk without difficulty, talk without effort, or think of the right things instantaneously. (problems that I still encounter)
Yes, as a traumatic brain injury survivor, I have accomplished a lot and have very much for which to be thankful. But I still get down in the dumps. Yes, even 20 years later. I will always experience severe mood swings, always have difficulty remembering to finish emptying the dishwasher, always get overwhelmed at how much of the house needs to be cleaned. I put it off as long as possible, puttering around the laptop with a cup of coffee, and then getting wrapped up in the endless TODAY show, news, Access Hollywood then Days of our Lives until I just get sick to my stomach with anxiety thinking of all that I have yet to accomplish; I rush around in a fury of cleaning falling down when my husband gets home at the end of his day in an exhausted lump. And this is just on a day that I don’t have any Bible study groups to go to, babysitting, working with a friend up at Starbucks, appointments or girls’ youth activities at my church. There is always my crochet group and other social activities.
So I am thankful for still being here and available to live this fabulous life of mine; thankful for being able and having a busy weekly calendar and allowing me to spend quality time with my dog.