“That was you?” I find my neighbor ask in amazement while I open the door to find her sweeping the snow off my porch when she heard a thump, thump, thump, thump, thump thump thump… Yes, that was me falling down and hitting each stair with my butt. My butt has a huge ugly black and blue bruise in result to the fall and my arm, the one that has the torn cartilage, hideously hurt the next day, I’m assuming that I did at least try to catch the rail with that one arm. Joanna knocked on the door to see if I could come over and do crafts with her and her kids. I just taught Joanna to crochet a few days before and she wanted to display the finished product. She and her two daughters and I sit and crochet; it felt amazing that someone wanted to actually learn from me!
Oh no, then not even half an hour from that knock on my door, I’m walking with Chazz outside (amazingly he wanted to go on a super long walk) and my foot slides out from under me, landing me on my butt again, only this time I crash on the other side. But wait, this can’t be possible, I’m even wearing my super grippy knee high leopard print rain/snow boots! Bruised and banged up, Chazz goes into his room and I head over to my neighbor’s. Back at home later that night, the heating pad goes on my lower back, and the following day I’m feeling a bit better.
My friend who drives me suggests that I go to yoga session held at the hospital before the TBI support group meeting begins. At this “Gentle yoga” practice, my right arm with the torn cartilage pops out, and I am extremely sore once again. I struggle through the rest of the class, falling all over the place and losing my balance even more than normal and am exhausted. By the time for the meeting, I am incredibly spent. I have things to share at the meeting, only I would keep getting interrupted and never get a chance to say them. At the end of the meeting, I am very depressed (just from the falling, and the not having a chance to speak my mind) and tears start falling down my face when I’m talking to a friend after the meeting, trying to explain that I’m fine, it’s been 17 years since my accident, I went away from home for college, I have just accomplished so much; I shouldn’t be upset. It was just a reaction to being physically exhausted, and I guess mentally exhausted also (I was still upset that I fell so much in class, and then the day before).
But that’s okay, I’m okay and everything’s okay. I’m embarrassed to say that I still have days like this, but everyone has an off day here and there, and everything will be okay.