A million years ago

“Time flies like an arrow; Fruit flies like a banana.”
Groucho Marx

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It has been 20 years since I started high school.  20 YEARS.  The time sitting in Pre-Algebra seemed to tick backwards and not soar by.   I remember high school well; the good days, and the bad.  The memories that put a whisper of a smile on your face, and the others that when you pass by the school bring tears to your eyes.  Those moments are all gone, where did they go?  Left only to memory I suppose.  Listening to Adele doesn’t help.
High school’s over and done with.  Even the high school reunion wasn’t great.  I left that chapter of my life so incomplete, almost like those years were torn out of a notebook, a notebook that you used to doodle and write funny notes to friends in class while not paying attention to the teacher.  What did we do all those endless hours in class?  You know, besides daydreaming, whispering and passing notes.
After I moved on after the life-altering car accident my high school experience became happy again.  I had to learn to define myself differently, I was no longer the class of ’99 cheerleader, I was somebody different.  I had to learn to define myself as someone different, just as after a decade of working in a nursing home, I have had to re-define my life.  And that’s ok; my car accident was during a hard time in many lives, high school.  Everyone is so centered on themselves, my friend from the TBI support group has felt so uncomfortable around those “friends that she used to know” that she’s had to move cities just to feel like she could start over.

But aside from the hard times, it has seemed like my life thus far has flown by.  Being in college was fun.  Though it was academically challenging, looking back on it, it was a time in my life were I have grown so much.  Sure I still keep in touch with my Longwood College friends occasionally, through Facebook and Christmas cards and everything, but everyone’s married, and busy with their own kids.

I don’t even know where my post-college experience has gone, that’s something that eludes me the most.  I have learned great compassion and patience working at the nursing home.  My faith has grown through participating in different Bible studies and being an active member in my church.  I have known my husband for nearly a decade, which is in itself hard for me to fathom.  We have been married for 7 years so far, and I have been living apart from my parents for that long.  I have started another new chapter in my life and am very happy at the paths that  God has lead me down in order to arrive at the place at where I am right now.  Around this time 18 years ago, I “woke up” out of my coma, and have done so much.  I am thankful for this fact, thankful about my life now and thankful for all that I have.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
REMEMBER TO BE APPRECIATIVE OF ALL THAT YOU DO HAVE

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For what to be thankful?
For what NOT to be thankful, is a better question.

Today I cleaned the house.  I did laundry, I vacuumed the stairs, cleaned the toilets and bathrooms, I even dusted.  I managed to play with my cute little dog, while answering emails about the Prayer Shawl Ministry which I am helping to coordinate.  Oh yes, I even moped the kitchen floors, changed the tablecloth and replace all the placemats and towels in the kitchen for fresh, new ones.  I got s lot done today, but as this book that I just started reading,

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I manged to find a bit of time to continue working on my handmade Christmas gifts (scarfs), but all I can see is what I didn’t do.  I didn’t make the peanut butter kiss cookies that I said I would, I didn’t give as much attention to Chazz as I should have, I didn’t straighten up and vacuumed the basement.  Or take the time to  do the important things like go on a family walk before taking out my in-laws for dinner; I must have changed my outfit 3 times- too hot, too black, too low cut…

I need to remember to give thanks that I actually CAN do these things.  I can clean house, organize mail, I have the ability to coordinate a ministry at my church, and have some time to play with Chazz [AND shower, though I put that off till 4, and after I got most things done.

Hopefully this book will give me ideas on how to help me get my ‘stuff’ together.  This brain injury survivor is also overjoyed that I have the mental capacities to read, understand, coordinate, WRITE…

Something many were skeptical I’d ever be able to do again.

And I am so thankful for the ability I now possess to prove everybody wrong.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Singin’ in the Rain.”

wpid-wp-1446695222493.jpgMy favorite time of the day is walking my dog in the afternoon, after all of the stresses of the day have passed.  Walking the dog, out in nature, just concentrating on the now around us.  The beauty of the seasons, the different colors of the leaves.

The funniest pumpkins I've ever seen!

The funniest pumpkins I’ve ever seen!

I love walking around the neighborhood, taking pictures of nature or pumpkins these afternoons, feeling the nice warm air flow around us, pausing to comment to the neighbors outside their houses doing yard work.

Practicing mindfulness: Observing the landscape, feeling the wind on the back of your neck, appreciating the landscape around us.  I love smiling contentedly about absolutely nothing, especially when my cute little Chazzy has more energy and wants to go on a long walk in the other nearby neighborhoods.   We would walk through the multi-colored leaves, as I just notice the beautiful landscape, and what I am currently doing; enjoying the present moment.

That is my favorite time of day, allowing oneself the clarity of mind to pay attention to  what is going on around us.  I find this very helpful to reduce stress.  A counselor that I have previously seen while I was going through an extremely stressful time in my life, has helped me to learn about mindfulness, even suggesting a few books for me to read to further my knowledge on the subject.wpid-wp-1446697946347.jpg

Accidents or pressures at work/home can lead to much stress, (especially to those with a brain injury) but I have found mindfulness and other forms of meditation to do an excellent job in helping to ease those feelings.  Realizing where you are physically in the world, observing the sounds, and feelings around you bring your mind back to the present.  Sometimes all you have to do is observe nature in the world around you and breathe.

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**My dog does not like to go out in the rain, much less sing about it.

#NaBloPoMo

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Why is the question

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Million-Dollar Question.”

Well, the question is Why do I blog? I blog in preparation to be more eloquent in writing (just to write my memoir of the roads that I have already traveled during this short little life).

I blog because it’s easier to compile little snippets of advice through experiences in small doses, as opposed to just telling one long story.

I blog because I have a story to tell, and advice to give.  Although I’m not sure of how the million dollar book is going to work out (ha!) I like to share my experiences and how they were handled [or how they should have been].

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#NaBloPoMo

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Regrets.

Thoughts, this broken mind still thinks thoughts, knows that it is silly to keep high school fresh on the mind from so long ago.

It was 20 years ago; ok- 18…

High school and the do overs that only exist in imaginations.

Panic attacks, thinking of life long ago, half a lifetime ago, that has long surpassed. Long passed, but held onto. Desiring a release but unable to let go.  So long ago that it shouldn’t matter. As if from another life, another person, but its still me.  It always was me. I wish they would have known

A brain injury that remembers all, yet is helpless to change anything. Do I want a change? Perhaps not a life altering change, but a do over of the year directly after.

It’s just regrets. Things that should be over. Regrets like not getting that note from my guidence counselor in high school giving the reason for my lateness to class that one day.  The hardest day of my social life.  Or one of the hardest days.   Does it even matter?

And then I think what’s the point? What’s the point in even having a brain injury if you can still remember crappy times like this perfectly. Whats the point?

Ironic.

Learning experience.  Ha- all a learning experience.  dancing

I survived.  I overcame.  I went beyond expectations, graduating hs, (putting up with all the crap that came along with it post-accident) graduating LONGWOOD COLLEGE; working for 9 years.  Life is great!

Having a great little family: Matt, Chazz and menightskypexels

I’ll wipe away the tears that come along when thinking of this time in my life, to go to sleep with a clear head and have good dreams.  Hopefully!

An attempt at a poem. A morbid non logical poem, for NaBloPoMo; and this was written on Monday night/tuesday morning, so as to qualify in “every day in November”

<a href="http://www.nablopomo.com"><img src="https://www.blogher.com/files/NaBloPoMo_2015.jpg" alt="NaBloPoMo November 2015" height="255" width="298"></a>

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“Oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god,” were the only words that were coming out of my mouth. As soon as I came out of the doors, my hand flew up to my face in disbelief, dropping my cane and sinking to the floor.  This is not something that happens in real life, they must be shooting a movie.  Like a surreal bad dream, I couldn’t move, even if I tried I’d be too unsteady to even walk without the use of my cane.  All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and wait for this to pass over.  We should have known something was up when out the window we kept hearing the wailing of fire engines and the racing lights, but actually seeing the buildings up in flames in combination with all the other stimulation would be enough to make anyone’s head spin.  And it was my dorm, my part of the campus.

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***The day began like any other regular Tuesday in the middle of the ‘crunch’ week at Longwood College, the week before review week for final exams, April 24th, 2001, when all the assigned papers and projects are due for the classes.  I was so behind in studying, and writing papers; I had hit a writing block, so I decided to go to Lancer gym, to work out the frustrations.  Upon walking across campus back ‘home’  (to my dorm room) I was a big sweaty mess, having just worked out on top of the 3 week long heat spell that had been going on in Farmville, VA.  It had been so dry, not raining in many weeks and was hot, even in the evenings.  Friends were going to a bible study, in the Frazer dorm, and saw me approaching, “Why aren’t you going? It’s the last one- come on,” even though I had many assignments due, and gave excuses-“I need a shower”, “no Bible with me”, they relented until I consented.  You only go to college once, right?  It was our last Bible study session until school let out, and all of the girls in the small group had become really close.  Our study was in the high rise dorm building Frazer, located at the far end of campus, while my dorm room was on the other side of campus, 2 blocks away (it’s a small campus).

The Bible study session was pretty much a reflective session on the year, where we all shared important scriptures that stood out to us.  We took an extremely long time praying, and kept on hearing the sirens of firetrucks passing by the Frazer dorm, not even thinking to look what was happening outside, but just continuing to praying about the firetrucks and who they were helping.  Finally exiting Frazer, ten minutes later, we saw my dorm building, which was South Ruffner, two blocks away, and the three neighboring buildings, on fire!  I don’t mean just a little fire, literally everything was up in flames.  The fire had spread incredibly quickly and it was so hot outside that everything was ablaze.

Looking like a scene in a Terminator movie, it was incredible to see; I couldn’t believe it and this was the building where I live!  As soon as we exited Frazer, out of the sliding glass doors, we saw everyone.  All of the people standing on the steps of Frazer, just watching the oldest buildings on campus as they were burning.  Construction was being done to restore the historic part of campus, which was over 150 years old.  Now the historical part of the school, the part of the school that was built in 1832, when it was an all female “teaching” school is up in flames.

I know its selfish, but the part that was the worst for me was that it was MY part of the school, my home, where I lived for so many months.  The part of campus with which I was so familiar, I lived in South Ruffner, the freshmen female dorm building.  The Great fire was called The Ruffners Fire, because it destroyed West Ruffner main Ruffner, and Grainger (a classroom building). There was also a fire on the top floor of South Ruffner, the dorm where I resided.  However, the students living in the Colonnades (which included the original dorm buildings Hull and Tabb) were not allowed back into the building (duh, because they were on FIRE).  Since I was living in South Ruffner and it was on fire, I was one of the students who could not get back in.

Here I was, a mess having just worked out, having a panic attack, and I needing to be carried away by my Bible study’s boyfriend; the students had to keep moving back, away from the fire.  By the time we got up to the highway, an ambulance came by for me.  They spoke to me calmly- I explained that I have a hard time making decisions, and this elderly couple invited me to calm down at their house.  I asked my Bible study leader what to do, “Only you can make that decision,” the EMTs in the ambulance persuaded me to go to the elderly couple’s house to calm down. “I’ll only go with you if my two friends can come,” they agreed and we went to their cute, cozy house in Farmville.  I called my parents very upset, explaining about the fire; they thought it was just a little fire, Kathleen (my bible study leader) got on the phone, “No, Mrs. H, the whole school is up in flames.”  They got on the internet and saw how bad it was.

To read about the Longwood College fire, click this:
The Great Ruffner Fire at Longwood in 2001 This article was first published in the Longwood Alumni magazine.

It was 12:30AM when the couple drove us back to campus to stay in my Bible study leader’s room (the part of campus that had not burnt down, all of the other students were staying on campus); I was a big sweaty mess who smelled like smoke, I had to take a shower.  The fire was still blazing, I don’t even know when it was finally extinguished, and where was my cane?? (The next day, a girl from our study gave me my cane which had fallen on the ground.)  A whole classroom building had burned to the floor, some students [LIKE ME] weren’t allowed back into their rooms; the administrators had no choice but to cancel the end of the year finals.  We were left with the grades we had at at our interim review,  and sent us all home.  It’s a good thing, because I performed a lot better during the first half of the semester.  I don’t know how long I’ll live, but I will NEVER forget that day.

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To read the article published on the Longwood University website: http://www.longwood.edu/alumni/articles/2017/one-heck-of-a-hot-day/

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flickr; holy bible; mafo4

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
Why was I saved from my car accident? There was a slim likelihood that I would ever come out of my coma (a severe coma is one that a person is unconscious for more than 72 hours, and mine lasted 73 days), never mind be as well as I have gotten, I’m a pretty “normal” person right now, if ‘normal’ is actually a word to categorize people. By the grace of God I have gotten better, He knew that my purpose on earth was not yet completed.

The other car hit me. My Jeep flipped over putting me in a coma for 2 ½ months. I was moved from the ICU in Fairfax to a rehab hospital in Charlottesville. I still did not “come around” for about 2 more months. I woke up out of my coma right before Thanksgiving; my family and friends had everything to be thankful for that year.

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
My parents and all those who were close to me I’m sure were anxious seeing about the outcome. Some people close to me (including myself) had to go to a doctor and get medicine to help calm anxiety, along with the peace derived from prayer. I believe that the prayers of others helped me to have courage through my pain. The long days of therapy at the rehab centers trying to get my balance to stand, walk and talk and God gave me the spirit to keep on trying no matter what. Even through the years to come, school was very difficult for me, and I do have ongoing physical limitations. There were many prayers said for me and the people that are close to me during that time.

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” Matthew 19:26
All the churches in my area, my church (that was right in front of where my car accident happened, I was turning out from a side street behind the church and the driver did not see my car in time), churches that I did not attend, my high school and everyone in my area was praying for me. The power of prayer is a very amazing, and can do all things.

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Many people and churches were praying for me to conquer this head injury and get well, everyone in Springfield practically knew about my severe injuries from the bad car accident, and individuals and their churches were all praying. God heard their prayers, and worked miracles in my life. I am writing my book and sharing the news of God’s awesome grace. Prayer is an awesome way for us to communicate with God. He hears all of our prayers, and I am so thankful that He has provided a positive outcome to my situation.

**

I most certainly did not even plan this to happen, but I wrote a THANKFUL THURSDAY blog post!  I wrote this note to display the many ways that God has worked in my life through my car accident.

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DD coffee;Flickr, m01229

A Dunkin’ Donuts pumpkin coffee actually…with a pumpkin donut… a MUST to go all seasonal with the fall themed weather, changing of the leaves, the brisk temperature

The scene: a cozy Dunkin’ Donuts coffee shop, with a friend who is 15 years older than I, and another friend 25 years older, meeting before a TBI support group; these friends’ all have different perspectives and are in different stages of life.
The conversation starts with talk of how they’re doing, how each has been feeling.  The youngest is in a ‘paused’ stage in her life.  She knows that people with a TBI are able, we can do it, it’s all in the state of mind.

Over coffee, the older woman would beg to differ with you.  She talks of how it is so nice that we can get together and relate, know what it feels like and understand each other.  She’s getting a disability check each month and living with her mother.  When we were asked to make goals in group a few months back, she said she had none.  She states that she’s totally content with where she is at this very moment, where she is in life with having no real purpose other than to hang out with her boyfriend, her mother and to volunteer at the hospital where our group is held.
There is always a purpose in a healthy, fully functional life.

The other man works in a grocery store, lives with his sister, and moved to VA from FL because his lawyer is here.  He’s trying to get paid a monthly disability check also.

Although my opinions differ from them, I am present to show them my support.  Plus, as organizer of the Prayer Shawl Ministry at my church, I had baby blankets crocheted by members to donate to the newborn babies on the high-risk pregnancy unit, and the support meetings take place at Fairfax hospital.

I am an aspiring author, who just happens to have a traumatic brain injury but I am so much more identifiable than by just my injury; my injury is not who I am, it does not define me.  I am capable of holding down a job, I have done so for 9 years.   Sure, I get anxious at the thought of working again, and am not sure which path in life I would want to take, but I am fortunate that I have time to figure that out, and the ability to write (my husband would want to say that I’m a housewife, to my chagrin; upon being corrected many times he now calls me a writer).  [I am fortunate that I have a wonderful husband, a great home, and I take care of a loving doggie.  I see many friends and have weekly family dinners with each of our parents and brothers’ families.]

Over coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts, (it’s just central to our houses and on the way) my TBI support group friends would share the troubles that we’re having, tactics that have been working for us amiss our struggles and what we do with the pent-up energy.  Scripture verses are shared, and lessons learned from Bible studies to help control anxiety, worry and other things on our minds.  Looking towards God always seems to change perspectives into a more hopeful outlook.  It’s all about the perspective that a person has, an outlook and a state of mind.  You make the decision in the morning to wake up happy, set an intention for the day that you CAN do whatever you need to and whatever comes your way.  That is inspired by God, and something no one else has the power to control except for yourself.  Go into the sunshine, have some coffee and remember to pick yourself up.

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photo taken Flickr; Kristina Alexanderson

Writing 101; Assignment 10- update over a cup of coffee

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Dear Mr. Trump,

What is going on with your manners?  Did your mother raise you to speak so harshly to respected citizens of society?  Why do you categorize people and then berate them?  I know you think that you’re only being honest, but there are different opinions out there, and it would be for the best not to offend everybody in different ways.  Not everyone will have the same opinions as you on policy, so it would be best not  offend prospective voters like women, latinos and POWs, all of whom you have insulted.

Where are your policies anyway?  All I see on the internet are how you don’t like the current policies and how you would do absurd things like building a wall [a non-expensive wall] but an indestructible wall to keep all the illegal immigrants out of the US.  You talk about how when you get elected president you’ll destroy Obamacare, and Planned Parenthood, get all the troops out of other countries where we don’t belong, and make the strongest military ever.  Oh, and we’ll drop an a-bomb on Iraq [or whatever country who claims to have those nuclear weapons???]  China will be our friend, I’m on good terms with China, the US has the advantage over them; are what about the Free Trade Agreements?  Try FAIR trade says Trump.  What about a budget?  If Trump’s plan includes lower taxes to no taxes, where does all the money come from?  Whatever Mr. Trump- I don’t even keep up with politics- but your debates are somewhat funny to watch, but this American does not like the rude answers that so quickly roll off your tongue.

Please get off of the political podium and go back to the boardroom on the ‘Apprentice’.

Respectively,
Danielle (and The US Voters who want a president and not leader with a bad haircut.)

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Writing 101; Day 9- Open letter to Donald Trump

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#writing 101, Assignment 13         Compose a series of vignettes
Wow, I guess I never learned the definition of that SAT word, because I had no idea what this was even talking about.
However, I learned much about this topic in college.

My composition is liquid.
My ingredients have long names like ‘Potassium Benzoate’ and ‘Sodium Citrate’.
My bubbles are swimming around freely and are very abundant.
My texture when spilt on the table is sticky.
My liquid is not the healthiest drink in the world; but some do contain fruit juice.
My ingredients are very high in sugar content.
I am a beverage called soda.

My caffeine keeps college kids up late at night to study for tests.
My drink has more of a caffeine content than most drinks.
My color is neon green.
My taste is sweet, like lemon-limey.
My aluminum can has lightning bolts on the side.
I am a soda called Mountain Dew (Danielle’s favorite, and in college kept her awake to do homework)

My color is brown.
My name is a shortened from the original because it is on a diet.
My original name is a hyphenated 4 syllable word.
My name brand came out in the 1950’s and is a common type of drink.
I am a soda called Diet Coke.

My color is deep brown.
I was originally used for medicinal purposes.
My name is normally reserved for people with a high level of education.
I will keep you up at night.
I am a soda called Dr. Pepper.

My color is a beige-ish color.
I am given to people who get nauseous.
I am bubbly.
I can make you sleepy and feel much better.
I come in a form that has anti-oxidants from green tea.
I am Canada Dry’s Ginger Ale (green tea ginger ale).

I am  a carbonated beverage called soda.

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